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13 May 2011 No comments

Xylophones, Zebras, Etc.

Events
By GARETH
Xylophones, Zebras, Etc.

Aching behind, calloused derriere, eroded fundament, goolies hot... I'm joking! Knifing lesions maraud nads-ward on punishing, querulously rugged sweaty treks unless velocipede wears xquisitely yielding zaddle.

Oops, we forgot to mention Rule 29 regarding "ex" and "x". And Rule 30 about "One Instance of Orthographic License". Apologies.

The feast of mildly cryptic, wildly labour-intensive, saddle-centric compositions bestowed upon our Comments Section for the Brooks A to Z Brainathon has caused our panel of judges to think only thoughts of alphabetically consecutive words for the past week.

This has made for an avalanche of new experiences at Boultbee Towers.

On the telephone with Ted last Monday seeking sartorial direction for the upcoming New York Tweed Run, his reply ("A Boultbee Criterion, Dumbass!") was untypically vulgar.

And when Bregan casually asked Andrea on Wednesday how he'd like his coffee, the response was "Partially quinined, Roger... Surprisingly Tasty!"

Anyway. We'll let David Epstein away with "katharsis"...

A Brooks can define everyone’s future. Great hopes in judicious katharsis let many newly opulent politicians quietly return stashes, to uphold values, while xenophobes yammer, “Zulus!”

But we won't let him away with "eleemosynary".

Astounding Brooks craftsmanship demonstrates eleemosynary fastidiousness, glowing happily, immoderately jubilant, kleptomanes’ lust. Manifest nobility, obsessive pedalers questing relentlessly. Saddles triumphant, unconcerned vitality, wandering Xenophon’s youthful zest.

We can only gather from this offering that David was trying to impress our Literary Panel with a display of his ability to copy down syllable-rich words out of the dictionary. We were quite tempted to not even look up "eleemosynary", but then we did. and excitedly established extraneousness.

Ken "Oh Captain, my Captain" Wolfe checked in.

Assuredly, Brooks constantly defies expectations! Fannies grin! Happiness is just kindled longer! My, no one praises quite rightly such terrific, under-valued workmanship! Xerox yon zenith

All the big guns seem to be playing fast and loose with the hyphen this time out, but we reckon Ken's "under-valued" is okay. Our acid test in this and other cases has been to acertain the interchangeability of words in said hyphen's vicinity, and off the top of our heads we were able to come up with "underpriced, virile" so he can keep it as it stands.

Unlike Judge Morton's first attempt. He's back with a re-worked 26 (we didn't really like "past-tense" as one word), and has thankfully managed to retain his chorus of talking backsides.

Astride Brooks, comfort does emancipate. Fetterless go happily independent joyriders. King Leather magnificently nuzzles operators’ posteriors. “Quite resplendent” say tushies unanimously. “Virtual wheeled Xanax!” yells Zuzu.

Surely one of the best finishes we've had so far. With a good middle too. And not a bad start, either.

Dylan Grimm was clearly so overjoyed at having rhymed "selling" with "swelling" that he failed to notice they both start with the same letter. Possibly, he had a couple of drafts on the go

All Brooks can defer every fanny gripe.

Holy ideals jump kangaroo-like.

Money, no obvious problem.

Quelling rear swelling

totals quite record selling.

teeming uber-vital workings,

xerophilous – youthful – zealous.

Semantically reliant on each other as they are, when we remove either q-r-s-t the whole thing sadly collapses into nonsense. But surely nobody will argue with the unassailable truth shining from his first line. Bravo Dylan!

Geoff Hume knows what he wants from Santa Claus this year. Or more accurately, he knows what everybody wants from Santa every year...

Are Brooks comfortable? Doesn’t everyone feel genuinely happy just knowing leather’s much nicer. Omnipotent, perfect, quirky, restrained, such understatements. Vaccillate? With xmas you’re zealful.

Zealful; yes, that's the word he was looking for.

Our favourite five are up on the Brooks Facebook page today. Decide which one you like best, and we'll give the recipient of the most "likes" a very special prize. Somewhat less special (but still special, to a degree) prizes for our runners up, if you follow our meaning.

Click the pic to see more bicycular wordplay and some really amazing traffic-calming schemes