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17 March 2011 7 comments

"There once was a bunch of people who couldn't write Limericks..."

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"There once was a bunch of people who couldn't write Limericks..."

The late, great Alan Clark declared in his diaries that surely the world's two greatest repositories of wit must be the Bronx and the Household Division. Were the philandering philologist still alive today, he would surely amend that sentiment to include the Brooks Blog's Comment Section.

We proposed last week that readers send us something that could be loosely interpreted as a "Brooks Limerick". Since that time, a steady stream of five-lined, rhyming filth has again and again caused our Brooks Patented Filth Filter to overheat and blow its springs. Replacements are hard to come by, so the enterprise has wound up costing rather more than was originally projected.

Much of said filth is, however, quite witty when the light catches it in a certain way. Though not suitable for publication, its gift of private laughter should provide some consolation to those members of the Brooks team who have necessarily taken a cut in wages to balance the cost of new springs for our Filter.

But enough of the unprintable.

Some of our Haiku veterans have been back in action over the past few days. Arguable errant genius Patrick Foley strapped on his armour once more and entered the fray late yesterday evening with this one -

Oh the long painful miles I rode

The time in my saddle plateaued

One day I tried Brooks

It conformed with its nooks

My shape upon it I bestowed.

Patrick was one of a handful of ambitious Limerickers to cleverly rhyme words that don't visually match. Our Literary Panel was deeply impressed. That today is "Patrick's Day" must nonetheless be disregarded by voters should one of his offerings make the final round on Facebook.

Haiku Champ and 2011 Brooks Poet-In-Residence Ken Wolfe was barred from participating. In terms of sheer work rate, he would appear to have been replaced and outdone by Anwar Rahim. In the final of his approximately fifty entries Anwar writes-

Your last competition was to pen a haiku

Only one entry did I manage to do

A Limerick I can write

Though they're not a pretty site

Bad ones, there are more than just a few.

Line 3 is patently untrue, but is balanced by the self-effacing honesty of Line 4. And 5. And by the objective accuracy of 1 and 2.

But Anwar wasn't the only one to display a difficulty with the notion of "five scanning lines". While Ron Leach evidently thought we were still taking haikus, Vicente Santiago and Patrick Simpson seemingly both mistook the word "Limerick" for "Short Novel".

Still, a warm thanks to everyone who tried their hand. Our top five are on the Brooks Facebook Wall awaiting "Li(meric)kes".

Dare, dare. A pamphlet of filth for discerning adults. Takings to a suitable charity :)
Neil Warner 23 May 2016 at 15:55
The judges were fittingly tough
Of bad form they shouted "enough"
They slammed every errant vowel
Like that nasty Brit Simon Cowell
And my ego they surely did scuff
Ron Leach 23 May 2016 at 15:55
Aw, C'mon Ron, fair's fair!
BREGAN 23 May 2016 at 15:55
Ooops!! Didn’t realise they weren’t Limericks! Should have taken a closer look at Wiki. Still, had a lot of fun writing…errr…. what ever it was I was writing :-)
Anwar Rahim 23 May 2016 at 15:55
BREGAN 23 May 2016 at 15:55
I was joking, Bregan. It was not only fair, but great fun. The only problem is I can't stop speaking in bad limericks and my wife and my dog are both ready to leave me.
Ron Leach 23 May 2016 at 15:55
There was a poor family from Orleans....
BREGAN 23 May 2016 at 15:55