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4 July 2011 No comments

A Brooks "Pop" "Quiz"

A Brooks "Pop" "Quiz"

Brooks England also sells saddles in the United States.

In our continuing search for the Truth, today we rather slyly dress up some market research as a little bit of harmless fun. Behold our Brooks American Independence Day Pop Quiz! There are points for every answer, so tot your total up, keep the number in your head, and we'll tell you all about yourself at the end.

The John Boultbee Criterion's ingenious breast pocket is perfect for...

(a) ...storing your soft-pack of Lucky Strikes. - 2

(b) ...storing a spare tube and puncture repair kit. - 17

(c) ...wearing in combination with a some nice linen cargo pants and a pair of Birkenstocks. - 5

(d) ...holding a bidon filled with the blood of your rivals. - 27

(e) ...cycling shirt? In my day we took old flour sacks and cut a hole out for your head. If you were lucky, you were let use the scissors long enough to cut out holes for your arms too. - 10

The Tweed Run...

Courtesy of Elisabet S on flickr.

(a) ...is trendy nonsense. - 12

(b) ...is a great addition to the London cyclo-cultural landscape that raises lots of money for worthy causes. - 8

(c) ...takes place at the wrong time of year. You really need some driving sleet and icy wind to separate the men from the boys - 15

(d) ...is directly responsible for the theft of my Brooksed Brompton - 20

(e) ...is letting too many people participate. What part of "boutique" don't they understand? - 3.5

(f) ...Tweed Run? In my day we used to wear tweed every day of the week. If we had tweed. Otherwise we wore coal sacks. - 16

The Hampstead Holdall...

(a) ...is a space miracle. - 3

(b) ...is the only thing I use to take my clothes to the Laundrette. - 1

(c) ...Laundrette? In my day we had carbolic soap, a washboard and industrial quantities of elbow grease. - 5

(d) ...did you ever see that film "8 Heads in a Duffel Bag"? - 4

(e) ...can hold more beer than seventeen bike polo players need to see out a Friday night. - 2

The oldest Brooks saddle in continual production is...

(a) ...the B17. - 10

(b) ...the 1866? - 2

(c) ...the Brooks England? - 1

(d) ...Wait, they make bike saddles too? - minus 5

When it starts raining heavily in winter...

(a) ...I roll up my left trouser leg as well as my right. - 6

(b) ...I roll up the automatic windows of my Mercedes Kompressor. - 3

(c) ...I roll up a cigarette and order another Chai-Latte. - 2

(d) ...I roll up casually alongside my rivals and laugh before interfering with their gear levers and scattering broken glass over the street as I accelerate away. - 20

(e) ...I couldn't be happier. You can pull epic skids on a wet surface. - 5

(f) ...I don't have to worry, the underside of my saddle is always well slathered with Proofide, and my Oxford Rain Cape is never more than a quick unzip away. - 7

Bike Polo...

(a) ...just isn't the same since they started using freewheel and brakes. - 9

(b) ...is very rough. The Americans seem to think it's funnier the more teeth they lose. - 3

(c) ...Bike Polo? In my day... oh, actually in my day we had Bike Polo too. But on the grass. - 15

(d) ...championship events have been sponsored by Brooks since 2009 - 15

(e) ...would be more fun if the court's surface was oily cobblestone. - 22

First prize in a folding bike race...

(a) ...should definitely not be awarded to someone caught using EPO. - 10

(b) ...is a badge of honour among high-flying hedge fund managers. - 10

(c) ...means you didn't get your Brompton stolen at this year's Tweed Run after party. - 10

(d) ...Hold on, you're talking about the Best-Dressed category, right? - 10

(e) ...Folding bikes? In my day if somebody tried to fold a bike, they got a clip round the ear and singled out for some harsh treatment from the pulpit Sunday morning. - 10


16.5 - 32 You are Fair Weather. There are already enough heroes out there on the streets getting soaked or blown around in all sorts. While you like your bike, and insist on attaching the best of everything to your frame, you also embrace the modern miracle that is automotive technology. This is not a crime.

33 - 50 You are a Fop, maybe a Fixed Arriviste. Obscure Panamanian Cycling-Sock Brands, Gear-Ratio Fetishism and Viral Bike Crash Hi-Jinx are just some of the things that make life early in the Twenty First Century that little bit more spiritually fulfilling than the late Twentieth. Assimilate or Die.

51 - 57 You are a Fogey, but in the positive sense. Through judicious Proofide-slathering, nose-tensioning and lace tightening, you have been "rocking" the same fine example of English leather craftsmanship since the 1950's. You ride a fixed, but you've only ever called it your "bicycle".

58 You are the Head of Brooks Marketing.

59 - 79 You are a Fan. You've done a few Bikepacking tours, and quickly established by trial-and-error what qualifies as necessary in your kitbag. Currently, you are tenderising a Select in preparation for next year's Global Bike Race.

80 - 113 You are a Brooks Flemish Hard Man. Whether it's racing strangers to work, starting a breakaway at the Seersucker Social or grinding your rivals' bones to make your bread, you give it the thousand yard stare, nestle into that long-since broken-in B15 and smile-wince to the finish line.